1. “Never go with a hippie to a second location.”
2. “The secret to a strong, healthy head of hair is dove…blood.”
3. “Graduate students are the worst.”
4. “We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.”
5. “Peacocks can live up to 40 years. Longer if they’re not part of Mike Tyson’s zoo.”
6. “What keeps people polite on airplanes? A shared hatred for the CBS sitcoms they’re forced to watch.”
7. “Never badmouth synergy.”
8. “Sometimes sexual bartering works. Salome, Mata Hari, Deborah Norville.”
9. “With real estate there are no rules. It’s like check-in at an Italian airport.”
10. “It’s not illegal to fall asleep on your neighbors roof.”
11. “I have faith in things I can see and buy and deregulate.”
12. “The Italians have a saying, Lemon. ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’ And although they’ve never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct.”
13. “If you make enough money, you can pay people to look at you naked.”
14. “Somewhere right now a guy is on a J-Date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody’s perfect.”
15. “Boston is the greatest city in the world. Boston Tea Party, Boston Cream Pie, Boston Rob Mariano.”
16. “Rich 50 is middle class 38.”

(Source: mindsize, via thatkindofwoman)